we're officially librarians today!
Just a quick post before the power on my laptop conks out on me (my brother borrowed it and forgot the power cord at school...grrr).
HAPPY GRADUATION TO ALL DALHOUSIE MLIS '06 GRADS!!!! WE DID IT! And it was fun too. I miss you guys, and am so proud of us. xoxoxo
you know its summer in Toronto when...
...the city is covered with a thick layer of goo and everyone is pissed off. With the humidity it feels like 40 degrees outside, there is a smog advisory in effect, and this morning the city awoke to a wildcat transit strike, so no one can get to work. Of course this really doesn't affect me in any way, as I've got my dad and his tank to drive me around.
I was supposed to have my second internal zap today, but when I got to the hospital it turns out that there was some sort of ill communication and I'm scheduled for Thursday instead. So I fasted for nothing (I can't eat before the procedure) and now could eat the arse out of a dead donkey. Or, an
alien out of a dead duck.
"congratulations Bart Simspon, you're our new Fallout Boy!"
"That's what I'd be saying to you if you weren't an inch too short".
It's all coming together now - the Milhouse reference, the Fall Out Boy conundrum - it all leads up to my day as Radioactive Woman. "Watch out, Radioactive Man!"
I apologize for those who don't get the Simspons references, or to those who do, but don't understand, because I am making no sense. I'm still a little bit doozy from that beautiful, beautiful, general anaesthesia. If I could be under that stuff for my entire 7-weeks of treatment, I would. I love the feeling of being put to sleep, knowing that I'm all hooked up to heart monitors, oxygen thingies, and have a team of nurses and doctors surrounding me, so nothing can go wrong.
Nurses truely are the most extraordinary people in the world. I love all the nurses I have met, especially the ones today who were looking down on me right before I went to sleep, talking about how adorable I am...and the best part was that I couldn't argue with them because I was half out of it.
Next thing you know, I wake up in recovery..chatting away about how my fingers are too small, and how the ring that Christopher brought back from Alaska for me, keeps on slipping off. My favourite nurse told me that they were very happy wiith how the procedure went, and the doctor was pleasantly surprised with how much the tumor has shrunk. I never actually met the doctor who did the procedure, so far all I know, it could have been a chimpanzee. A very clever chimpanzee...
I'm in no pain, and feel relieved that I can cross my first HDR (high-dose rate radiation) off my list of unknowns. I have four more of these to do, and now I know what to expect, and it really isn't too bad.
everything's coming up Milhouse!
I'm happy to announce that this radiation stuff actually works. I met with my doctor today and she had a poke around to see how everything looked. She was very happy to see that my tumor has shrunk about 1 cm and just looks better in general. No more nastiness. So that means that my internal rads are still on for Thursday. That is such a relief. I would have been pretty disheartned if she had said there was little change. After a day of chemo, radiation, alot of waiting around, and a good long poke, I'm ready for a snooze. zzzzzz.....xoxo
may days
It’s amazing what cancer does to your social life. It’s a long weekend here, and there are no cottages, no late nights, and no hazy mornings. I feel fine, and I promise I’m not contagious. Or maybe I just can’t expect to waltz into town after 4 years of being away and have the same kind of relationships I used to have. Either way, the result is too much TV. I have holed myself up and am forcing myself to watch hours upon hours of music videos, in hopes that I can understand ‘kids today’. But I’m having a really hard time. Is Fall Out Boy actually cool? I’m having a really hard time seeing it. As a teenager I was a bit of a music freak, and I knew just by hearing a snippet of a song whether or not a band had any credibility. But I seem to have lost my spidey sense somewhere along the way and I want it back.
it was a pretty good day. period.
Today was my second chemo and my tenth radiation session. Time flies when you're having fun! Okay, maybe 'fun' isn't the right word. But it's strange how comfortable you get in a routine. I was just getting used to going to the same hospital room every day, seeing the same people, doing the same thing, but today I found out that will all change next week when I start my internal radiation blasts. Starting next week, they will knock me out twice a week and stick the radiation stick thing inside of me for a closer zap. In a way I'm pretty excited, as the sooner I start these things the closer I will be to being finished.
After chemo was radiation, where I think I embarrassed my radiation technician who is a really quiet and shy guy, around my age, and I asked him if he was getting tired of seeing my bum everyday. Before he could answer, I told him that if he were my boyfriend, the correct answer would be that he could never get tired of looking at my bum. There was uncomfortable silence after that.
I then met with my doctor and nurse just to talk about how I'm feeling. I am feeling really really good. Everything is going swimmingly, and if the rest of the treatment is like this, I will be laughing. Fingers crossed. I then asked my doctor for a little ego-stroke. I asked her to just go over everything that is in my favour. She did, and it made me happy. I strutted out of that office and I've been walking around with my chest puffed out ever since. I did get a little sad finding out that I will never have a period again. For some reason I was under the impression that I still would have them, but that's not the case. I'm one of those crazy girls who actually likes having her period. It makes me feel womanly, and I've always liked it. But the one I'm on now, will be my last. I feel like I should have a going-away party for it to thank-it for all the good memories of cramps, bitchiness and tampons. Actually, provided I don't go into menopause, I will still have all the cramps and everything associated with having a period, but without the actual period. Again, fingers crossed. It's nice to have an excuse to be a bitch once a month...
mums and roses
Today is Mother's Day, so a big holla(!) to everyone who has ever known a great woman. My great woman is not only my own mom, but also my mom's mom who died 6 years ago today on Mother's day. An hour after she died, my grandma's first great-grandson, and my cousin Matthew, was born. So Happy 6th Birthday to Matthew too! It was like the whole circle of life happening within a couple of hours - one mother lost, one mother born, all on Mother's day.
I can remember absolutley every detail from this day six years ago. What stands out even more now is the cab ride I took home that night. The taxi driver ended up reading my palms for some reason and told me two things: One, that my mom and I would be extra close over the next few weeks (but I just chalked this up to it being Mother's Day, so it was an easy prediction on his part) and Two, that I would have some health problems when I was around 26 or 27, but I would be okay. Well, here I am, 26 going on 27. I know they are just palms, and he was just a cab driver, but my palms do have
alot of lines on them and he was a very convincing cab driver/fortune teller, and probably pediatric brain surgeon somewhere in the world.
There. That's enough contemplation for me for one day. I can now get back to watching The E! True Hollywood Story on Snoop Dogg...when the pimp's in the crib ma, drop it like its hot...Happy Mother's Day to all you baby mamas...
tgif
I thought this week would never end. I don't know what it is about Week 1's - whether it be the first week of work, school, being apart from someone - the first week always seems like it goes on forever. I just had my final session for the week, which means that I have completed my first full week of treatments. I think my patience with this whole cancer-thing is wearing thin already. I have spent the day in bed reading, fighting a bout of nausea, and giving one-word answers to anyone who tries to talk to me. I'm fine. I'm tired. I guess. I feel sick. I'm hungry. I can't eat that. TGIF.
OH. MY. GOD.
I received this email today from the visa office:
"Your application has been approved and the visa has been issued. Please allow a minimum of 3 working days for your documents to be sent to you".
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Happy would be an understatement! After this cancer thing is all taken care of, nothing can keep Christopher and I apart anymore. I wish I could crack open a bottle of wine to celebrate, but I'll settle with cranberry juice!
just another day at the office
Just like any other busy executive, I have a suit (loose shirt, loose pants, and pretty undies), a briefcase (a bag filled with books, magazine, gameboy, water), and appointments throughout the day. Today I had three meetings. The first was at 9 am in the chemotherapy unit. This was my first time with chemo, and I was impressed. They provided me with my own private room, complete with reclining chair, tv, a choice of juices, and cookie delivery. I was also wrapped up in heated blankets and a colourful quilt, and felt so pampered that I almost asked for a margarita and a manicure. After a few tries, the nurse finally found a vein in my hand that wanted to co-operate. Apparantly, my veins are cosmetically beautiful, but aren't IV-friendly. Finally got a good drip going, and I was out of there by 12:30.
My next meeting was with my doctor and nurse, who I check in with every Tuesday. They also gave me my MRI results, which I think were good. I have the kind of cervical cancer that grows outwards and not inwards, which is good. So my tumor is just dangling there. Like an outie. But apparantly that is much better than if it were growing upwards and inwards.
Also, the MRI showed that there was no involvement outside the cervix, which is also really really good. It might even mean that I am a Stage 1b2, instead of 2b2, but I forgot to ask whether or not that is the case.
The one piece of maybe bad news, was that one lymph node showed up being a bit bigger than the others, but it was borderline abnormal, and didn't show up on my CT scan, so it might not be anything at all. If it is something though, it will just get zapped with the rest of it anyway.
I then had my 5th radiation treatment, and called it a day. I was home at about 5, so put in a good full day at the office.
Now I'm exhausted, and am just thankful I don't have bills to pay and mouths to feed...xoxo
sassy sunday town
Sundays are somedays my favourite day of the week. When Christopher and I are together, it is the perfect day to sit in a pub and read 5 newspapers, or go for a long walk through town. When Christopher and I are apart, Sundays can feel long and lonely. So I was SO happy to go out on the town today with Mari Beth. I got to see her new downtown digs, take a stroll through Kensington Market, and have some of the Rivoli's tasty Pad Thai. I haven't really been anywhere outside of my house and the hospital for a couple of weeks, so getting outside on a nice day, with a friend from ol' Hali was just what I needed for a spirit booster. One of the highlights was definitley seeing how they make fresh peanut butter (who knew? But it makes so much sense!)
And then my aunt just popped in with a big jar of heart-shaped sugar cookies. So now I'm smacked on sugar. Sugah! I'll probably crash soon and will forget everything in the morning. Speaking of the morning, my fourth radiation session is at 8:15 am. 8:15. That's out of control. I realize that they are probably trying to accomodate those less fortunate who are fighting cancer
and hold full-time jobs, but that's not me. There should be some appointment bartering system. I'll trade you my 8:15 for your 1:00...
walk or run for a good cause - me!!!
I enjoy a good charity run for good causes. I have run for breast cancer and Kylie, and heart & stroke for
Mr Dressup, amongst others. Now for those physically-inclined, it's time to run for me. And yes, I do expect my name on your "I'm running for" name badge. No, I'm not a charity case, but this time this bastard is hitting close to home, meaning that it's hitting me. Believe me, I am hitting back, but money for research will help beat the crap out of it in the long-term. I have done my part as a lab brat, so now it's your turn.
For my friends in Van-City, on July 8 there is a run with a cute name:
The Underwear AffairAnd for my friends in the t.dot there is a
run on May 28 raising money for research at Sunnybrook Hospital, which is my home base. I hope to participate as a slow walker, but we'll see how I'm feeling.
This public service annoucement has been brought you by me. xoxo
day two and three
Yesterday I went for my second radiation session, but first I had to talk to my doc because she messed up and needed to explain it to me. To make a kinda long story short, she hadn't looked at my pelvix xrays before my first radiation treatment, and when she did she realized that my ovaries were still in the radiation field. So they had to switch up my plan a bit, and now they're not in the way anymore. I was kinda ticked that she neglected to look at them, and actually kinda lied about it too. But everything is ok now, and day three is today.
The only thing that is going on with me is that since my first treatment, I've been very nauseous. To the point where all I've been able to hold down over the past couple of days have been soda biscuits and popsicles. I even lost it in the brand new hummer yesterday! But I had a plastic bag with me, so nothing hit the shiny new interior. I'm not supposed to be feeling any side effects at all until a couple weeks into the treatment, so my doc just wracked it up to nerves. But I'm not too sure, as I'm really not nervous about this whole thing, I just want to be done with it and move on with my life.
So yeah, I've been bed-ridden, with an empty and queasy tummy, with a bucket next to the bed, just in case.
It's my pity party and I'll sulk if I want to. But it's Saturday tomorrow and the weekend means no hospital, which means I'll be ready to be fun again! xo
xo
totally tubular and radical
Today was a day of firsts.
My first MRI and my very first radiation treatment.
The MRI was pretty cool. I thought I might panic from being confined to a tube and told not to move for an hour, but it was actually very relaxing. It was almost like being on some meditation retreat. Except for when the big loud noises started, and then it reminded me of the rave days of yore. The noises eventually gained a pretty good beat to them, with a rhythm in the background, and there were neon green lights right above me. It took all my strength not to break out of my constraints, switch into some furry pants, and start dancing. Ugh. No way. Even when I did go to raves, I still would never have worn furry pants. I wore an oversized bead necklace once, and tore it off, rambling to Lisa how they "just weren't me".
And now for my first radiation session. What a let down! I was expecting big laser guns that made sounds like 'Pow!' 'Wham'! and 'Take that you bastard!'. But there was none of that. I had to lay down flat on my tummy (which was pretty tough to do, considering my war wounds from my ovary transposition are still fresh), then my ass was bared to the world. Ok, not the world, but my radiation therapists - Barbara and Matthew. I know they've seen a thousand bare bums before, but I can't help but think they're laughing at mine. I made sure to buy a whole slew of new colourful undies so I can impress them everyday with my stylin' undergarments.
The zapping itself doesn't take a long time, but it takes them about 15 or 20 minutes just to lign my tattoos up with the lasers. And then the thing I'm lying on gets lifted up in the air, the therapsits leave the room, and they start shooting.
That's it. One down, 27 more to go!!!
aussie sunshine
There are a thousand reasons why Christopher is the best part of my life. Two of those reasons are his family for sending me beautiful flowers and being so kind to me without having ever met me
And his close relationship with Jesus [pics have been removed due to copyright/censors]
happy birthday Jake!!!!
It's my baby brother's
18th (!!!) birthday today. We're having chicken wings and chocolate cake to celebrate. Cheers to being legal drinking age in Quebec! xoxo
