Sassafrazzled

ahh to be young again...

2006-11-06T23:41:00.000-05:00

I saved this as a draft in June 2003, 2 weeks after I moved to London for the first time, and just found it in my Hotmail account. I used to swear alot. And I obviously had a drinking problem.

1. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
too early and too hungover. i get up around 7:30. thank fuck the pubs shut at 11...
2. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Gwenyth Paltrow so I could poison her soup and have Chris all to myself...muahahah!
3. GOLD OR SILVER? Silver!

4. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? matrix 2. i didint even like the first matrix, so i fell asleep during the 2nd one.
5. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
temptation island, the bachelor/ette, anything trashy mindless and fun. but i like the flimpsons too..and 6 feet under is cool too. and big brother. go glasgow federico!!!
6. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
spotted dick...errr...i mean cigarettes and coffee. breakfast of champions.
7. WHAT WOULD YOU HATE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH?
a pool full of creamed corn. yuck!!

8. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE? No but i can stick your tongue up my nose

9. WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
starry skies, music, and red wine

10. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Ann

11. BEACH, CITY, OR COUNTRY?
city yo!
12. SUMMER OR WINTER? warm winters

13. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? i dont get ice cream either. unless it is peanut butter and chocolate and then i get it
14. BUTTERED, SALTED OR PLAIN POPCORN? buttery butter

15. FAVORITE COLOR? red. or hot pink. hot pink is cool.
16. FAVORITE CAR? little old mini VW bugs, with teeny tiny old ladies behind the wheel

17. FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING?
peanut butter and jelly. i miss peanut butter!!! can someone send me a jar of peanut butter? preferrably skippy with the peanut on top!
18. TRUE LOVE?
im on about number 5 in 3 days now
19. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE?
rudeness, fakeness, and licking fingers after eating

20. FAVORITE FLOWER? Daisies
21. IF YOU HAD A BIG WIN IN THE LOTTERY?
don't even get me started!!! all my friends would be so set. but not as set as me...fuck, i would have 10 houses, 80 yachts, beeen around the world 100 times, get really fat and ugly cuz it doenst matter cuz im rich, and i sure has hell wouldnt be living in a shoebox right now.

22. FIZZY OR STILL WATER AS A DRINK?
beer is a drink

saturday afternoon confessions

2006-10-21T10:18:00.000-04:00

I'm not a big book reader.

I've never read more than one book by the same author (Irvine Welsh, Ann Martin and Judy Blume don't count).

I don't have a favourite book or a favourite author.

I don't really have any opinions on genres of books. Except I know I don't like fantasy, or sci-fi, or military history.

And I'm a Librarian.

In my defense, I didn't become a Librarian because of a love of books, or reading, or libraries. I became a Librarian because I love to find stuff out. I love the research involved.

I've decided that I should gather an opinion about authors, and genres, and books in general. So I've made it my mission to read every Nick Hornby book. Ok, so he doesn't have the largest of catalogues, and he's not the most intellectual of authors. But he writes good stories about people, and North London, and good music.

The 12 bottles of wine that Christopher has been gifted just arrived, which means Saturday night is going to be spent going around the world with red wine. I think our first stop is South Africa.

Update

I have been through Spain, Argentina, and am now making my way through France and my record collection.

dig it

2006-10-14T09:02:00.000-04:00

I have been inspired by the Jenifesto's Saturday Morning Kitsch and went in search of my favourite Saturday morning tv. It spooked the hell out of me at the time(especially The Librarian, go figure), but I kept on going back for more.

gobble gobble babble

2006-10-09T02:56:00.000-04:00

As I get ready for work on a cold and grey London morning, I'm thinking of all my family and friends who are probably snuggled up in bed right now, tummies full of turkey, and looking forward to a big sleep-in today. Thanks to my Scarborough girls, my Scarborough boys, my Dal gals (+Dave), my London friends spread across the world, my London friends still in London, Mike for bringing me canned pumpkin and halloween kisses, Christopher's family for caring so much without ever having met me, Christopher for being the best person I could have ever dreamed of, my family for always being there, and anyone else who reads this silly thing. Thanks for seeing me through the past six months. They have been the worse six months of my life. I seriously couldn't have done it without all of you. You rock. I'm off to work. Happy Thanksgiving. xoxo

I bet you've been wondering where I've gone

2006-09-29T13:28:00.001-04:00

It's Friday evening and I'm sitting on our bed with my laptop and a glass of wine, a la Carrie Bradshaw. So perfect time to write a silly little update.

I love being a librarian.

Seriously.

What other profession allows you to find shit all day? It's awesome. Basically my job means that I'm doing 36 hours of company profiles all week, with a little bit of ref desk thrown in here and there. Government libraries are also awesome because you don't have to work with the public all day. I enjoy dealing with the public, but I think I've paid my lifetime dues by working at a government housing office for a year. Minsterial aids and legal advisors can be just as whiny and obnoxious though, but at least they're only a pain when parliament is sitting, and not 7 days a week.

For those of you SIMSA kids taking Business Info Sources: pay attention. You really might need to know all that stuff one day. I kept the lecture slides and now refer back to them on a daily basis. I actually learned something at biblio school hurrah!

When I'm not at work, I can either be found:

1. At the gym. Yep, I'm right back into it. It's not a fancy shmancy place like Nubody's, but it's more along the lines of a dirty grimy YMCA. But it has Body Pump, and Pilates, and Yoga, and crazy cardio classes, and it even has a pool. I went to my very first AquaFit class this week, and it was pretty fun. I felt completley idiotic and prayed that no one I knew was watching me, but it was fun.

2. At the pub. I have cut down considerably since returning from Iceland (London, Iceland, and only getting paid monthly = less Guinness in my tummy), but I can usually be found there once or twice a week. Last night Christopher and I went to a couple of really cool pubs in Brixton. During which time a guy walked into the McDonalds across the road and shot a couple of kids. Brixton is whack.

3. At home. Curled up watching Christopher play Mario Kart. That boy has a great pair of thumbs on him and knows how to work Yoshi in the 150cc.

I am home on a Friday evening because I drank too much last night, and we have been invited over to a complete stranger's (friend of a friend of my parents) house tomorrow for dinner, so probably will drink too much then as well.

I was going to write a post reminiscing about places I've lived. London (Ontario), London (UK), Waterloo, Toronto, Halifax, they've all had some great things and I wanted to share them with you all. But I think I might give Luigi a time trial in the Mushroom cup instead. So maybe next time.

Oh, and I *need* to stay here. A hotel based on Dewey??? That's crazy talk!

Failte

little miss assistant librarian

2006-09-11T09:46:00.000-04:00

You heard it here first - I am now an Assistant Librarian at a large central government department (I won't say which one due to confidentiality and yadda yadda). I start on Thursday and am *very* excited to stop wasting away my days on "Escape to the Country" and Sudoku. What's even cooler is that the large central government department is directly next to Westminster Abbey and Westminster so I can play tourist on my lunch breaks (or just angry and busy Londoner pushing all the tourists out of the way on my lunch breaks).

I am also beginning a serious lifestyle change, as of today. You would think that cancer would make me drink less and eat better, but I think it's been the exact opposite. I have had a serious Heathrow Injection and have ballooned to sizes unseen since the great European Train Trip of 2002 (read a month of consuming beer, bread and cheese, with a European backdrop).

SITREP

2006-09-07T07:27:00.000-04:00

Wow, wow, wow. I just wrote a really long email to my mom and dad, so I'm just going to copy and paste it right here for everyone to read.

I got back to a humid and warm London last night after an a-m-a-z-i-n-g time in Iceland. Here are some highlights, broken down into stages:

My time alone in Reyjkavik
- the whale watching: saw minke whales, a school of ten dolphins, some puffins, a basking shark (the captain said he had been fishing for 20 years in that bay, and had never seen a basking shark so close in the bay, so we were lucky), and hundreds of gannets (it felt like it was hailing, there were so many). It was a five hour boat trip, and I was stupid enough not to be wearing socks, so my feet were freeeeezing!
- the Laugardalar pool: this was a geothermal pool right next to the hostel where I was staying. I went there every day and just sat in the "hot pots"
- museums & galleries: I actually enjoyed most of them. I bought a 3-day tourist card, which gave me free admission into all of the tourist attractions, including free travel on the city buses, and free entrance into all of the pools. I went to every single museum and gallery in the city. And of course, a couple of libraries too.

Christopher, Andrew & Damon's homecoming ( Friday & Saturday night)- wow. what a couple of days
- on Friday night, they wanted to find a steakhouse because they had been eating freeze dried meals for the past week (and I had been eating bagels and bananas), so we found a place called Argentina's in our Lonely Planet. We just thought it would be an average steakhouse, but we were so wrong!!! When we got there there were people dressed to the nines, in cocktail dresses and suits, and there we were in jeans and t-shirts. We decided to stay, and boy, it could be quite possibly the best food I have ever eaten. I had scallops covered in chocolate sauce and the best salmon I have ever eaten. The guys ate lamb, steak,lobster tails, kangaroo, and chocolate tortes. We had a couple of bottles of red wine, I had a couple of the best martinis ever, and they were drinking whiskey sours. It was an amazing night!!! All for the meagre cost of 40,000 icelandic kronur!!!!! I won't do the conversion, but the car we rented for 4 days was less than that dinner. When we told people afterwards where we went they said that was the finest restaurant in Iceland. Who knew???

- Saturday we went to the Blue Lagoon all day, which was incredible.

- Saturday night we went to a place called the Grand Rokk, which was a bar/chess club. Christopher & Andrew ended up playing these two guys who were Chess Grandmasters. And then the two grandmasters started playing against each other (apparantly for the first time in 2 years, so it was very tense). It was the most incredible thing to watch. I can't explain it properly.

- Then later that night we went to my friend Salame's house for a few drinks, and then she took us to a party that was happening at a martial arts centre. The whole bottom floor was covered in mats. Basically, we arrived, Christopher, Andrew and Damon beat the crap out of each other, and then we left. It was hilarious!!! We were supposed to stay out all night and join the 'runtur' (Saturday night pub crawl), but we were all pretty exhausted

Our road trip

- Sunday we got up early to get the car. Sundays in Reyjavik are a mess! The streets are completley covered in broken glass, beer bottles, hot dog wrappers and vomit. A sign of the chaos that happens on a Saturday night. Our car was a Kia 4-wheel drive.

- we drove to see all of the tourist sites, like Geiser and the waterfall where I saw the best rainbow I have ever seen. And then we cut through the centre of the country, driving from south to north, all through the back country on dirt and gravel roads. The landscape in Iceland is so weird - one minute it feels like you're on the moon because there are so many rocks and craters, and then 200 meters down the road there are lush grass and waterfalls. There were lots of sheep blocking the road, and at one point we were driving through the clouds. It was very cool. We stayed Sunday night in a small town and had a great night there.

- Monday we drove east to Lake Myvtan, which still has an active volcano. It also has a blue lagoon, but this time we were the only ones in it! It felt like it was our own little oasis. We stayed the night in Akeyuri (the 2nd largest city in Iceland). Apparantly, the thing to do in Akeyuri is drive around the main drag with music blaring - it was amazing how many cars were doing this on a Monday night. We went out for dinner and someone (I'm not saying who) ate whale. We were right up near the arctic circle, but I think it was too cloudy to see the northern lights.

- Tuesday we headed back towards Reyjkavik with a few stops along the way, and stayed in Keflavik, which is near the airport. On our way there we went through a really cool tunnel. I tried to stay up late enought to watch Rockstar Supernova, but couldn't do it. Magni (from Rockstar) is a national hero in Iceland!!! Everyone talks about him, and the phone companies are cutting their prices, just so people will call in and vote.

Whew, that was long. I had an amazing, amazing, time. I got up this morning and went for my first run in about six months - it was pretty slow-going, but I did better than I thought. I have another job interview tomorrow at noon, and am really hoping I get this one!!! I'll call later on today, xoxoxox

rockin´ Iceland

2006-08-28T08:04:00.000-04:00

I have half an hour of free internet time so here I am...in Reyjkavik, and it rocks. Seriously rocks. Saturday night involved a very expensive night out on the town, followed by copious amounts of hot dogs. It´s funny how each city has their own late-night drinking food, and here it just happens to be hot dogs. Waved goodbye to Christopher, Andrew, and Damon on Sunday morning as they went off on their hike. I spent the day getting to know my surroundings, and it reminds me so much of Halifax, it´s uncanny. Went whale watching, and saw some minke whales, puffins, a school of dolphins, and some kind of shark. I got scared watching the shark because it cam so close to the boat I was sure I would be a gone-er. Now I´m at the hostel I´ll be at for the rest of the week. It´s a bit further out from the city, but its cheaper. and Iceland is freakin expensive. But freakin cool. Ive never drank so much coffee in my life. Tonight I´m going to hit up the thermal swimming pools and tomorrow I´ll head over to the thermal beach. I have alot of museums and libraries (of course) before I head out to the country side on Friday. Last night I went to see a really weird movie on volcanos. end of story. more updates to be had in 9 days time.

get your daughters...

2006-08-22T14:17:00.000-04:00

to get this.

I am in that 30% who wouldn't benefit from it, but that still leaves 70% of you who won't have to go through all this baloney.

rambling rambler

2006-08-21T12:04:00.000-04:00

I really have nothing of substance to report.

On Saturday we went on a hike, along the South Downs Way and stayed the night in a hippie commune. I have a new found appeciation for sheep. They are cute and you can walk through a giant flock of them without being attacked. Who knew? Growing up, we didn't see many sheep in Scarborough. I just assumed that if you came across a gang of them that they would flash a knife and ask for your money. It was a really pretty walk, with lots of rolling hills, and such. But now I can hardly stand up because my legs are so sore. I really need to start exercising again. I haven't done anything really physical since April 27, which was the day before my surgery. I had told myself that I would continue to run and workout during my treatment, but I quickly realized that just wasn't going to happen. But now it's time. Seriously time.

I had a job interview this morning and it seemed to go pretty well, I guess. Everything except that I had to make a 5 minute presentation on how to search for clinical trials about asthma on Medline, and I pretty much bombed it. And afterwards I realized that I hadn't cut the price tag off of my new boring grey pants, so they were all probably laughing at me anyway - "ha ha, she paid 30 quid for those ugly things and she's how big???" - which in response I would say - "they were the first pair I tried on because Topshop on Oxford street on a rainy day is hell on earth and don't blame me, blame the beer". But I'm exercising again. soon. But I won't give up peanut butter.

frequent flyer

2006-08-15T07:20:00.000-04:00

In the past twelve months I have flown at least twelve times. I hate flying! It's okay when the ride is smooth, but when the seatbelt light is on the entire time it's no fun. I can't sleep on planes either. And I have to line up in the 'all other passports' line, which is extra fun when your flight gets in at the same time as American Airlines and Fly Emirates. Oh yeah, and added security measures means that deodorant is not allowed. This is not a big problem for me, but it apparantly was a problem for the woman sitting next to me. It's also extra extra fun getting on the Tube during rush hour with three large bags. But I made it back to London in one piece. One big, smelly, tired, grumpy piece. Since I'll be flying at least once every three months, I thought I would rate my experiences. This is more for my benefit than for dear readers.

Air Canada red eye flight:
Movie: Crap. "Take the lead" possibly beat out "She's the Man" as worse movie ever
Food: Unedible. But I still ate it. I like the night flights because I can drink wine with "dinner". This is harder to do when you are served breakfast.
Bumps: Lots of them. More than I've ever had before. And they weren't lovely, or ladylike.
Immigration: No probs...other than queing up for an hour.
Bonus: Alan Cross' History of New Music - In Flight version
Overall: Not one of the best Air Canada flights I've ever had. Severley lacking in footrests and blankies.

Have you gotten a call from Samuel L Jackson yet? This really is the best thing ever. I tried to send this via phone to friends in London, but apparantly 208 is also the area code for Idaho. So some poor farmers in Idaho are answering their phones to hear that their homegirl Stephanie says stop smoking all that wacky tobaccy and to go see Snakes on a Plane.

forked and prodded

2006-08-09T16:50:00.000-04:00

Today was my very first follow-up appointment and I have some big news - I weigh 122 lbs (55 kilos)!!! I have gained 12 pounds (5 kilos) since my treatment ended only 6 weeks ago, thanks to a steady diet of cider and late-night chicken burgers.

Okay, enough horsing around, you say? The real big news is that I have made a "100% improvement", and that my cervix is small, soft, pink and cute (she didn't actually say 'cute', but I know that's what she meant). Obviously, this was music to my ears!!! I was incredibly nervous all day today and am so HAPPY to hear that the cancer is gone and *hopefully* will never, ever, ever come back. My next appointment is November 8, at which time they will also do a CT scan. I hate CTs because when they inject the dye into your veins, it feels like you're wee-ing your pants. That's enough about today. Now I can actually relax and enjoy being in Toronto for a few more days.

I woke up this morning only to look out the front window and discover that our front lawn had been forked, with a few plastic knives and spoons thrown in for good measure.

yet another reason why I love London

2006-08-04T09:47:00.000-04:00

Today I met Christopher for lunch at Waterloo station, and we headed over to my new favourite place - Ned's Noodle Box. Not only does it have a name that suits my sensibilities, but the noodles come in actual noodle boxes. I thought only people in the movies ate their noodles out of these boxes. I wanted to buy another box and take it home, so when we get home from the pub later on tonight, we could open the fridge and take out the box of noodles. Just like they do in the movies.
I had Thai Veggie Green Curry and I think I'm going to dream about it for weeks to come. It would have been perfect if it weren't for those few damn carrots. Only bunnies should eat carrots, and even if I were a bunny, I'd probably stick to lettuce. You could choose the type of noodle you wanted too - thin, medium or thick. Medium was totally the right way to go, as thin would be too stringy and thick too worm-like. This is a picture of me on my way home from Ned's Noodle Box. I'm alot happier than I look. As you can see, London's summer has come to an end, and the grey clouds and rain have returned. It will be like this until next July when there will be another 3 weeks of sunshine and warm weather. But that's okay, because now I have Ned's Noodle Box to get me through. Ned's Noodle Box, Ned's Noodle Box, Ned's Noodle Box. That's hard to type three times fast...you end up typing Need's Boodle Nox instead.

I like big bundts and I cannot lie

2006-08-03T04:32:00.000-04:00

There are things I miss from home alot. Family and friends being at the obvious top of the list. I miss the Saturday morning routine of the Halifax Farmer's Market, followed by cardio strip-tease. I miss watching Lloyd Robertson at 11:00 with my mom, fearful that he is going to have a stroke on-air. I miss staying up late to watch Conan O'Brien. I like having my little routines, and it is these routines that I miss. I only have one routine here so far, and that is a "Grande Black Americano with room for milk to take away". I say these words every day, then stroll home with The Guardian. I then drink my coffee, read the paper, and do the Sudoku puzzle. Because Sudoku is my new crossword. Because the crosswords here are all cryptic, and I hate cryptic crosswords, mostly because I don't understand them.

Oh yes, and I miss coffee. I would like a large Paradiso from Second Cup, and if there is not enough room for milk, then I can pour it out in the grate provided. This morning, once again, when I say 'room for milk', they only fill the cup up halfway. Like, how much milk do you think I'm going to put in my coffee????

I don't consider this homesickness, but just things that I liked, that I can't get here. It works the other way around too. When I go back home, I know I'm going to miss The Guardian and Pret a Manger. Speaking of home, I go home on Monday for a week. My first check-up is on Wednesday, which is also the Moose's birthday. When she blows out her candles, I'm hoping she'll make a big wish for me.

Speaking of birthdays, they just keep going!!! The Fabulous Librarian and her Fabulous Husband had a fabulous baby girl yesterday. She is one lucky little lady to have such cool parents and be born on the same day as the great Jenn Reid. I calculated that while Em was pushing out a 7 pound baby, I was eating a thin crust pizza and drinking a pint of lager.

happy birthday Christopher!

2006-07-28T09:47:00.000-04:00

While I don't approve of the new rat tail, he still looks hot.

in the words of my wise friend Luke...

2006-07-25T05:33:00.000-04:00

"birthdays are better than poo".

I love Sundays, and I love birthdays, so having my birthday fall on a Sunday was almost too exciting to handle.

The day started off with a sausage sandwhich from the Farmer's Market, followed by reading the Sunday Times front to back, followed by nap, followed by a birthday/Sunday session at The Goat.

Everyone who I wanted to turn up did, and I had a fantastic time. I was kind of surprised by how many people came out, since I hadn't seen a bunch of them in a couple of years. So I was definitley very flattered and very, very happy to see everyone there.

I love my friends, and I love it when they email me birthday wishes even more - so thank-you to everyone. You all rock. Seriously, I mean it. You rock so hard, it hurts.

shameless self-promotion

2006-07-23T06:56:00.000-04:00

It's my birthday today. 27 years young. I'll accept money orders, certified cheques, and cold hard cash.

we argued on the channel train to Paris...

2006-07-20T06:44:00.000-04:00

...the vin rouge helped us make it sweet again!

Christopher and I went to go and see Paul Kelly last night at The Spitz. It was an awesome venue, an awesome show, and he even played 'our song'. For my Halifax friends, you know all too well what this song can do to us. I've never felt more Australian.

And then afterwards we caught the last tube, stumbled home, and ate chicken burgers. One of my favourite lines of the evening happened at Chicken Cottage. "yes, I'd like a 6 piece chicken meal" "I'm sorry, we don't have any chicken".

my sleepy sunday town

2006-07-17T03:33:00.000-04:00

Since September, Sundays have meant working on assignments, or being sad, or being bored. Now that I'm back in London, Sundays are once again, my favourite day of the week. We started off the day at the Clapham farmer's market with a sausage sandwhich. Christopher and I then took the 519 bus into town (if you're ever in London, don't bother paying the 20 pounds for a bus tour - just hop on the top deck of the 519 and you'll get a good tour of the city), and stopped off at the Imperial War Museum. We spent about 45 minutes there until I got bored. I have the attention span of a pea. One of the great things about London is that almost all museums are free, so I can always go back and look around some more. Outside the museum there was an excitable standard poodle, so I pranced around with him for a bit. Then we ate ice cream because there's a heat wave and it's really hot. We hopped back on the 519, which went past Westminster, Whitehall, and big protest by the Lebanese community. We walked down Pall Mall to greet the queen at Buckingham Palace, had a walk through Knightsbridge and Hyde Park, and finished the day off with pizza and beer back in Clapham. Kylie's first interview since her cancer diagnosis was on tv last night, and I could really relate with alot of the things she was saying. I ran for Kylie last October in the Run for the Cure, and I'm glad to see that she's doing well and looking really hot with that super short hair!

There. I apologize if I'm writing like a little kid "and then we did this, and then we went there, and then, and then, and then...", but it was a really good day.

Today I'm applying for jobs and doing laundry. And then I'll break for lunch in the park, and then I'll read the paper and drink coffee, and then I'll meet Christopher for dinner, and then, and then, and then....

la la la London

2006-07-10T05:58:00.000-04:00

Everything is exactly how I left it. Christopher is looking fine as always, and I am feeling fine. Every little ache and pain is a little bit worrisome, because should I need any 'medical attention' I would have to head to the airport instead of the hospital. Fingers crossed that won't happen, and I really don't see why it would. Nonetheless, I can't get that little niggle out of the back of my head.

Now, how about Zidane's head butt? Are you serious?! That was pretty random.

the pink frosting flowers didn't help

2006-07-06T19:14:00.000-04:00

what the hell?

I have been crying all day. Maybe it's because I'm leaving tomorrow and know I'll get a bit homesick, or maybe it's my hormonal jungle, but I just can't stop crying. We had Chinese food, and before I could take the first bite out of my wonton, I cried. My birthday is in a couple of weeks, so there was a premature cake. I cried. Not even a little whimper, but a full on "ugly cry", as Oprah would call it. And it's such a pretty cake.

I am so excited to be going to London again, and finally be with Christopher for good. I love London. I love Christopher more. I also love my family and am going to miss them terribly. Especially with all the uncertainty I still face, and all the crap I've been through in the last couple of months. I know I'll see them again in a month, but for anyone who has been with me to a departures section of an airport, you'll know that I don't say my 'goodbyes' and 'see ya soons' easily. I either cry uncontrollably or pass out.

a picture paints a thousand words

2006-07-03T19:50:00.000-04:00

This is how drunk I was last night at Vanessa's Scar-BQ. I also think it's hilarious how the pictures became blurrier as I became drunker.

I don't remember actually eating a spinach and feta burger, but I'm sure they were delicious.

White wine has officially ousted cancer from it's top spot as my #1 enemy.

I had a really good time, caught up with some good friends, but oooof am I paying for it today.

Happy Canada Day

2006-07-01T11:17:00.000-04:00

In honour of Canada Day, I am doing..uhhhmm...nothing. As opposed to every other day when I do...errrhm...nothing.

it was so close

2006-06-26T13:04:00.000-04:00

back to my old self....

2006-06-25T20:09:00.000-04:00

It's been a while. But I'm drunk. As a skunk. I spent the day with my Aunt Randi (of Easter Booze Hunt fame) and cousin Wendy (who will be 21 on Thursday, happy birthday girl!) at a Vine Dining - an eating and drinking extravagansga. There were about 50 tents on this vineyard in Niagara-on-the-Lake, alternating between food and wine. The food was unbelievable and the wine was incredible. Who knew you could get so drunk off of samples? It's a good sunday. Mwah! Oh, and we travelled by school bus. I don't think I've drank wine on a school bus since my grade 10 field trip to the Andy Warhol exhibition. Muchos Mwah! Pictures to follow soon, I hope.

I have cancer, and all I got was this stupid blog

2006-06-23T10:30:00.000-04:00

Since I started this whole cancer thing, I've been reading a couple of forums for women with gynecological cancers. It seems like most of the women who contribute to these forums have been forever changed by their diagnosis. Some have discovered Reiki, others have found God. These women track their bowel movements and contemplate their mortality. They speak of severe depression and counselling sessions. This makes me wonder, what the hell is wrong with me? Cancer hasn't changed me. It hasn't made me appreciate sunsets more or make me want to learn how to make biscotti. Am I emotionally made of stone? Or are these past couple of months going to build up, explode and kick my ass?

ch-ch-ch-changes

2006-06-21T13:25:00.000-04:00

Well folks, I am officially a free woman. No more daily appointments, no more exposed bum, no more internal rads (which sadly means, no more lovely nurses and strong sedatives), and no more needles. With this new found freedom also comes a price - the watchful waiting period. When people ask me what has been the hardest part of this whole cancer thing, I say that I haven't reached it yet. When I was first diagnosed, I threw myself right into the medical system and knew that the ball was about to get rollin'. During my seven weeks of treatment, I knew that the radiation was doing its job and shrinking the bastard. This whole time I have been doing stuff to be well. Now all I can do is wait for check-ups and I think that is going to be the hardest part. My first follow-up appointment is August 9, and I'm nervous already. My doc said that the radiation continues to do its job well after the beams have stopped zappin', and that sometimes it takes months. I gave my doc a big hug while seriously sedated after my last treatment and think I might have stuttered a 'I love you, man' a la drunken Steph.

In other non-cancer related news, Christopher has come and left. Things are so much better when he's around. We went to a baseball game, watched alot of hockey, ate alot of chicken wings, swam in Lake Huron, walked along the beach in Grand Bend, celebrated my dad's 60th birthday, bought a wicked tent, went for a boat ride, dined on top of the CN Tower, and tried to get out of Scarborough as much as possible.

I will be heading back to ol London town soon, but will be flying back alot, so don't be sad to see me go.

roll on Friday

2006-06-08T18:00:00.000-04:00

First off, let me start with: CHRISTOPHER GETS HERE TOMORROW!!! Give me a big 'hell yeah'. The last time I saw him was in April and that's way too long ago. Here's hoping that's the end of our extended time apart from one another. Enough is enough, this girl is ready to go to London.

It's Thursday and Thursday means my body is aching for Friday to arrive. Tuesday was my last chemo, and I'm almost going to miss the nurses in the chemo ward. I still told them I never wanted to see their face again, unless it was on the street or in the grocery store, and they felt the same way. My magnesium levels were super-low though, so I ended up spending 5 hours in chemo while they hooked me up to a magenesium drip. I was there all day l-o-n-g.

Today was my third internal zzzap and I've been promoted to no general anaesthesia! The doc told me that because I've been so easy, and because I appear to have a 'calm disposition', that a strong sedative would be just fine. When she told me this, I automatically said 'no', because I really did not want to feel anything, or know what was going on, but she convinced me in the end. I'm glad too, because I was completley out of it and did not feel or know a thing, and I came too alot faster in recovery. Good times had by all. Except for the woman in the bed next to me who had to have a blood transfusion.

In world news, today the U.S. has approved the cervical cancer vaccine, which is so exciting. There are two types of the virus that causes 70% of cervical cancer cases (except for mine, because apparantly I am a freak of nature and like to be in the small slices of pie charts), and this vaccine will prevent these viruses, and hence will prevent 70% of cervical cancer. Hopefully Canada and the rest of the world will follow suit soon, which would prevent alot of girls in the future having to get poked with a radiation wand every Thursday. And that, my friends, is a good thing.

crybaby

2006-06-04T23:45:00.000-04:00

Tonight, for the first time, I came head-to-head with something I am going to have to deal with alot more in the not so distant future: young, happy, glowing, pregnant women. That's right, there were five of us in the room, two of whom were very very pregnant. I wanted to crawl into a corner and cry. I want all my girlfriends to have babies and be happy, but this first encounter really stung. There is a certain 'survivor talk' that seems to get tossed around alot, and what I'm about to say definitely does not qualify. I really wanted a bump one day. That's why I saved all of my books and clothes and toys. I was the kid who played house and mommy and had a thousand dolls. And now this has been taken away from me, and its been taken away from Christopher, and its not fair. Even if my ovaries come out of this in one piece, and a surrogate is waiting, and science is on our side, it's still not fair. Even if none of that works and adoption is the only way, I will still be a good mom, but it's still not fair. Even if kids are never in my cards and I end up having 15 labrodoodles, it's still not fair. It's still not fair that my body, my fertility, has betrayed me. I am so angry at it, I just want to beat the shit out of myself. At this very moment, I don't want to hear anything about yellow wristbands, or serenity prayers, or any kind of prayer, or relays for life, or inspirational cancer survivor stories. Because right now all I want to do is cry. And because it's Sunday night, and I just spent the night with two very pregnant women, and because my body is beaten and bruised, I am entitled to this. In thirty years I'll give you the cancer survivor talk, but right now I just wish everything was normal again.

well, that was awkward...

2006-06-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

Today was my second internal zap and everything went a-ok, thanks to my good friend Mr Anaesthesiologist and his wonderful drugs. Mr Anaesthesiologist turned out to be my mom's best friend's son, so that was cause for a little awkwardness.

Doc: "Hi Stephanie, I'm Dr Idestrup, your Aneanaesthiologist today"
Me: "Chris? It's Stephanie, Stephanie Downs!"
Doc: *look of slow recognition*
Me: "Small world...fancy meeting you here!"
Doc: "Stephanieeee...are you comfortable with me administering your anaesthetics?"
Me: "Hell ya! If anything goes wrong my parents will have your head on a platter. They're out in the waiting room, maybe you should go say hello"

So, of he trots to see my folks and they were *ecstatic* that a close family friend was knockin me out. My mom's on the phone right now with his mom. Such a crazy small world.

we're officially librarians today!

2006-05-30T16:37:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post before the power on my laptop conks out on me (my brother borrowed it and forgot the power cord at school...grrr).

HAPPY GRADUATION TO ALL DALHOUSIE MLIS '06 GRADS!!!! WE DID IT! And it was fun too. I miss you guys, and am so proud of us. xoxoxo

you know its summer in Toronto when...

2006-05-29T12:32:00.000-04:00

...the city is covered with a thick layer of goo and everyone is pissed off. With the humidity it feels like 40 degrees outside, there is a smog advisory in effect, and this morning the city awoke to a wildcat transit strike, so no one can get to work. Of course this really doesn't affect me in any way, as I've got my dad and his tank to drive me around.

I was supposed to have my second internal zap today, but when I got to the hospital it turns out that there was some sort of ill communication and I'm scheduled for Thursday instead. So I fasted for nothing (I can't eat before the procedure) and now could eat the arse out of a dead donkey. Or, an alien out of a dead duck.

"congratulations Bart Simspon, you're our new Fallout Boy!"

2006-05-25T18:29:00.000-04:00

"That's what I'd be saying to you if you weren't an inch too short".

It's all coming together now - the Milhouse reference, the Fall Out Boy conundrum - it all leads up to my day as Radioactive Woman. "Watch out, Radioactive Man!"

I apologize for those who don't get the Simspons references, or to those who do, but don't understand, because I am making no sense. I'm still a little bit doozy from that beautiful, beautiful, general anaesthesia. If I could be under that stuff for my entire 7-weeks of treatment, I would. I love the feeling of being put to sleep, knowing that I'm all hooked up to heart monitors, oxygen thingies, and have a team of nurses and doctors surrounding me, so nothing can go wrong.

Nurses truely are the most extraordinary people in the world. I love all the nurses I have met, especially the ones today who were looking down on me right before I went to sleep, talking about how adorable I am...and the best part was that I couldn't argue with them because I was half out of it.

Next thing you know, I wake up in recovery..chatting away about how my fingers are too small, and how the ring that Christopher brought back from Alaska for me, keeps on slipping off. My favourite nurse told me that they were very happy wiith how the procedure went, and the doctor was pleasantly surprised with how much the tumor has shrunk. I never actually met the doctor who did the procedure, so far all I know, it could have been a chimpanzee. A very clever chimpanzee...

I'm in no pain, and feel relieved that I can cross my first HDR (high-dose rate radiation) off my list of unknowns. I have four more of these to do, and now I know what to expect, and it really isn't too bad.

everything's coming up Milhouse!

2006-05-23T17:23:00.000-04:00

I'm happy to announce that this radiation stuff actually works. I met with my doctor today and she had a poke around to see how everything looked. She was very happy to see that my tumor has shrunk about 1 cm and just looks better in general. No more nastiness. So that means that my internal rads are still on for Thursday. That is such a relief. I would have been pretty disheartned if she had said there was little change. After a day of chemo, radiation, alot of waiting around, and a good long poke, I'm ready for a snooze. zzzzzz.....xoxo

may days

2006-05-21T12:20:00.000-04:00

It’s amazing what cancer does to your social life. It’s a long weekend here, and there are no cottages, no late nights, and no hazy mornings. I feel fine, and I promise I’m not contagious. Or maybe I just can’t expect to waltz into town after 4 years of being away and have the same kind of relationships I used to have. Either way, the result is too much TV. I have holed myself up and am forcing myself to watch hours upon hours of music videos, in hopes that I can understand ‘kids today’. But I’m having a really hard time. Is Fall Out Boy actually cool? I’m having a really hard time seeing it. As a teenager I was a bit of a music freak, and I knew just by hearing a snippet of a song whether or not a band had any credibility. But I seem to have lost my spidey sense somewhere along the way and I want it back.

it was a pretty good day. period.

2006-05-16T17:17:00.000-04:00

Today was my second chemo and my tenth radiation session. Time flies when you're having fun! Okay, maybe 'fun' isn't the right word. But it's strange how comfortable you get in a routine. I was just getting used to going to the same hospital room every day, seeing the same people, doing the same thing, but today I found out that will all change next week when I start my internal radiation blasts. Starting next week, they will knock me out twice a week and stick the radiation stick thing inside of me for a closer zap. In a way I'm pretty excited, as the sooner I start these things the closer I will be to being finished.

After chemo was radiation, where I think I embarrassed my radiation technician who is a really quiet and shy guy, around my age, and I asked him if he was getting tired of seeing my bum everyday. Before he could answer, I told him that if he were my boyfriend, the correct answer would be that he could never get tired of looking at my bum. There was uncomfortable silence after that.

I then met with my doctor and nurse just to talk about how I'm feeling. I am feeling really really good. Everything is going swimmingly, and if the rest of the treatment is like this, I will be laughing. Fingers crossed. I then asked my doctor for a little ego-stroke. I asked her to just go over everything that is in my favour. She did, and it made me happy. I strutted out of that office and I've been walking around with my chest puffed out ever since. I did get a little sad finding out that I will never have a period again. For some reason I was under the impression that I still would have them, but that's not the case. I'm one of those crazy girls who actually likes having her period. It makes me feel womanly, and I've always liked it. But the one I'm on now, will be my last. I feel like I should have a going-away party for it to thank-it for all the good memories of cramps, bitchiness and tampons. Actually, provided I don't go into menopause, I will still have all the cramps and everything associated with having a period, but without the actual period. Again, fingers crossed. It's nice to have an excuse to be a bitch once a month...

mums and roses

2006-05-14T10:31:00.000-04:00

Today is Mother's Day, so a big holla(!) to everyone who has ever known a great woman. My great woman is not only my own mom, but also my mom's mom who died 6 years ago today on Mother's day. An hour after she died, my grandma's first great-grandson, and my cousin Matthew, was born. So Happy 6th Birthday to Matthew too! It was like the whole circle of life happening within a couple of hours - one mother lost, one mother born, all on Mother's day.

I can remember absolutley every detail from this day six years ago. What stands out even more now is the cab ride I took home that night. The taxi driver ended up reading my palms for some reason and told me two things: One, that my mom and I would be extra close over the next few weeks (but I just chalked this up to it being Mother's Day, so it was an easy prediction on his part) and Two, that I would have some health problems when I was around 26 or 27, but I would be okay. Well, here I am, 26 going on 27. I know they are just palms, and he was just a cab driver, but my palms do have alot of lines on them and he was a very convincing cab driver/fortune teller, and probably pediatric brain surgeon somewhere in the world.

There. That's enough contemplation for me for one day. I can now get back to watching The E! True Hollywood Story on Snoop Dogg...when the pimp's in the crib ma, drop it like its hot...Happy Mother's Day to all you baby mamas...

tgif

2006-05-12T19:43:00.000-04:00

I thought this week would never end. I don't know what it is about Week 1's - whether it be the first week of work, school, being apart from someone - the first week always seems like it goes on forever. I just had my final session for the week, which means that I have completed my first full week of treatments. I think my patience with this whole cancer-thing is wearing thin already. I have spent the day in bed reading, fighting a bout of nausea, and giving one-word answers to anyone who tries to talk to me. I'm fine. I'm tired. I guess. I feel sick. I'm hungry. I can't eat that. TGIF.

OH. MY. GOD.

2006-05-10T11:44:00.000-04:00

I received this email today from the visa office:

"Your application has been approved and the visa has been issued. Please allow a minimum of 3 working days for your documents to be sent to you".

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Happy would be an understatement! After this cancer thing is all taken care of, nothing can keep Christopher and I apart anymore. I wish I could crack open a bottle of wine to celebrate, but I'll settle with cranberry juice!

just another day at the office

2006-05-09T18:12:00.000-04:00

Just like any other busy executive, I have a suit (loose shirt, loose pants, and pretty undies), a briefcase (a bag filled with books, magazine, gameboy, water), and appointments throughout the day. Today I had three meetings. The first was at 9 am in the chemotherapy unit. This was my first time with chemo, and I was impressed. They provided me with my own private room, complete with reclining chair, tv, a choice of juices, and cookie delivery. I was also wrapped up in heated blankets and a colourful quilt, and felt so pampered that I almost asked for a margarita and a manicure. After a few tries, the nurse finally found a vein in my hand that wanted to co-operate. Apparantly, my veins are cosmetically beautiful, but aren't IV-friendly. Finally got a good drip going, and I was out of there by 12:30.
My next meeting was with my doctor and nurse, who I check in with every Tuesday. They also gave me my MRI results, which I think were good. I have the kind of cervical cancer that grows outwards and not inwards, which is good. So my tumor is just dangling there. Like an outie. But apparantly that is much better than if it were growing upwards and inwards.
Also, the MRI showed that there was no involvement outside the cervix, which is also really really good. It might even mean that I am a Stage 1b2, instead of 2b2, but I forgot to ask whether or not that is the case.
The one piece of maybe bad news, was that one lymph node showed up being a bit bigger than the others, but it was borderline abnormal, and didn't show up on my CT scan, so it might not be anything at all. If it is something though, it will just get zapped with the rest of it anyway.
I then had my 5th radiation treatment, and called it a day. I was home at about 5, so put in a good full day at the office.
Now I'm exhausted, and am just thankful I don't have bills to pay and mouths to feed...xoxo

sassy sunday town

2006-05-07T17:34:00.000-04:00

Sundays are somedays my favourite day of the week. When Christopher and I are together, it is the perfect day to sit in a pub and read 5 newspapers, or go for a long walk through town. When Christopher and I are apart, Sundays can feel long and lonely. So I was SO happy to go out on the town today with Mari Beth. I got to see her new downtown digs, take a stroll through Kensington Market, and have some of the Rivoli's tasty Pad Thai. I haven't really been anywhere outside of my house and the hospital for a couple of weeks, so getting outside on a nice day, with a friend from ol' Hali was just what I needed for a spirit booster. One of the highlights was definitley seeing how they make fresh peanut butter (who knew? But it makes so much sense!)
And then my aunt just popped in with a big jar of heart-shaped sugar cookies. So now I'm smacked on sugar. Sugah! I'll probably crash soon and will forget everything in the morning. Speaking of the morning, my fourth radiation session is at 8:15 am. 8:15. That's out of control. I realize that they are probably trying to accomodate those less fortunate who are fighting cancer and hold full-time jobs, but that's not me. There should be some appointment bartering system. I'll trade you my 8:15 for your 1:00...

walk or run for a good cause - me!!!

2006-05-06T18:35:00.000-04:00

I enjoy a good charity run for good causes. I have run for breast cancer and Kylie, and heart & stroke for Mr Dressup, amongst others. Now for those physically-inclined, it's time to run for me. And yes, I do expect my name on your "I'm running for" name badge. No, I'm not a charity case, but this time this bastard is hitting close to home, meaning that it's hitting me. Believe me, I am hitting back, but money for research will help beat the crap out of it in the long-term. I have done my part as a lab brat, so now it's your turn.

For my friends in Van-City, on July 8 there is a run with a cute name: The Underwear Affair

And for my friends in the t.dot there is a run on May 28 raising money for research at Sunnybrook Hospital, which is my home base. I hope to participate as a slow walker, but we'll see how I'm feeling.

This public service annoucement has been brought you by me. xoxo

day two and three

2006-05-05T13:35:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went for my second radiation session, but first I had to talk to my doc because she messed up and needed to explain it to me. To make a kinda long story short, she hadn't looked at my pelvix xrays before my first radiation treatment, and when she did she realized that my ovaries were still in the radiation field. So they had to switch up my plan a bit, and now they're not in the way anymore. I was kinda ticked that she neglected to look at them, and actually kinda lied about it too. But everything is ok now, and day three is today.

The only thing that is going on with me is that since my first treatment, I've been very nauseous. To the point where all I've been able to hold down over the past couple of days have been soda biscuits and popsicles. I even lost it in the brand new hummer yesterday! But I had a plastic bag with me, so nothing hit the shiny new interior. I'm not supposed to be feeling any side effects at all until a couple weeks into the treatment, so my doc just wracked it up to nerves. But I'm not too sure, as I'm really not nervous about this whole thing, I just want to be done with it and move on with my life.

So yeah, I've been bed-ridden, with an empty and queasy tummy, with a bucket next to the bed, just in case.
It's my pity party and I'll sulk if I want to. But it's Saturday tomorrow and the weekend means no hospital, which means I'll be ready to be fun again! xoxo

totally tubular and radical

2006-05-03T17:11:00.000-04:00

Today was a day of firsts.

My first MRI and my very first radiation treatment.

The MRI was pretty cool. I thought I might panic from being confined to a tube and told not to move for an hour, but it was actually very relaxing. It was almost like being on some meditation retreat. Except for when the big loud noises started, and then it reminded me of the rave days of yore. The noises eventually gained a pretty good beat to them, with a rhythm in the background, and there were neon green lights right above me. It took all my strength not to break out of my constraints, switch into some furry pants, and start dancing. Ugh. No way. Even when I did go to raves, I still would never have worn furry pants. I wore an oversized bead necklace once, and tore it off, rambling to Lisa how they "just weren't me".

And now for my first radiation session. What a let down! I was expecting big laser guns that made sounds like 'Pow!' 'Wham'! and 'Take that you bastard!'. But there was none of that. I had to lay down flat on my tummy (which was pretty tough to do, considering my war wounds from my ovary transposition are still fresh), then my ass was bared to the world. Ok, not the world, but my radiation therapists - Barbara and Matthew. I know they've seen a thousand bare bums before, but I can't help but think they're laughing at mine. I made sure to buy a whole slew of new colourful undies so I can impress them everyday with my stylin' undergarments.
The zapping itself doesn't take a long time, but it takes them about 15 or 20 minutes just to lign my tattoos up with the lasers. And then the thing I'm lying on gets lifted up in the air, the therapsits leave the room, and they start shooting.

That's it. One down, 27 more to go!!!

aussie sunshine

2006-05-02T18:24:00.000-04:00

There are a thousand reasons why Christopher is the best part of my life. Two of those reasons are his family for sending me beautiful flowers and being so kind to me without having ever met me

And his close relationship with Jesus [pics have been removed due to copyright/censors]

happy birthday Jake!!!!

2006-05-01T11:57:00.000-04:00

It's my baby brother's 18th (!!!) birthday today. We're having chicken wings and chocolate cake to celebrate. Cheers to being legal drinking age in Quebec! xoxo

it's Friday night...do you know where your ovaries are?

2006-04-29T12:57:00.000-04:00

Ok, well its not Friday night anymore. Had my ovarian transposition last night and all went well. I almost chickened out at the last minute, but decided that giving myself a chance of future fertility was way more important than any doubts I had about the surgery.
I went in at 3pm and apparantly got out at 6:30, but of course I don't remember much. I was pretty chirpy right after the surgery and was chatting away to all the nurses in the recovery room, so my doctor said I could go home that night. But that chirpiness didn't last and soon I zonked right out on painkillers and decided to stay the night. It wasn't much of a sleep, since my blood pressure and temperature was checked what seemed like every 10 minutes. But now I'm home and am walking around like a 90 year old. I'm pretty sore, but it's nothing that a little Tylenol 3 can't fix.
Yep, the surgery was a success. She moved both ovaries. Apparantly one ovary had some weird and funky fibroids on it, but they had a pathologist on hand, and thank god it wasn't more cancer.

So that's that out of the way.

Yesterday morning I had my telephone interview for my UK visa. She said that they would probably make their decision within 5 working days. I'm really due for some fantastic news, so I'm hoping this will be it.

new toys and joys

2006-04-26T18:08:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Christopher, I have a brand new silver Nintendo DS to play with and MarioKart to boot. I l-o-v-e MarioKart and can't wait to reaquaint myself with Toad and Warrio. Plus it's so small and sleek, and it could only be better if it were in pink.

My dad brought home a new car today. And being my dad, he couldn't just get a Honda or a Toyota but this:
It's a Hummer Sports Utility Truck. And it's completley ridiculous. The streets of Toronto will never be the same.

As for me, I have had 3 pelvics in 3 days. That research trial I volunteered for gave me a whole lot more grief than I had bargained for.

I'm going to play some MarioKart on my new toy.

lab brat

2006-04-24T13:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I've done my one good deed for today - I've contributed to medical research. While I feel slightly humiliated from being treated like a specimen by an entire research team, I like to think that I'm helping improve treatment for those down the line who get the same kind of bastard I have.
The study involved me having a giant dildo waved around inside of me for 45 minutes, while some kind of contrast agent was directed into my veins. The 'giant dildo' I speak of is just an ultrasound wand, but 'giant dildo' has a quaint ring to it.
The study aims to improve the information an ultrasound can provide about bloodflow in tumors. When radiation fails to work and cervical cancer tumors don't shrink, it is generally thought to be because of something related to its bloodflow. If an ultrasound can assess the bloodflow in a cancer before treatment starts, than the intensity of the radiation could be adjusted. I have to do back to do another one 2 or 3 weeks into my treatment. Oh, and I get to do a normal ultrasound tomorrow morning bright and early. Joy.
I remember the good old days as an undergrad when I would get paid 5 bucks to stick my hand in a bucket of cold water.

groan

2006-04-22T20:02:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling pretty down today. I woke up with a massive hangover and now I just read this article. It's so scary to think that she was only a couple of years older than I am. I haven't even thought about the possibility of the treatment not working, but now I'm sad and scared. I'm going out for coffee with Lee and Sam, so I'll give them an earful of moaning.

fried eggs and sperm

2006-04-21T19:09:00.000-04:00

I spent a l-o-n-g day in the fertility clinic, planning for the future and so forth. I really can't do anything the easy way. My options are a) do nothing and my ovaries will definitley be fried from all the radiation I'm about to receive b) get an ovarian transposition, which has between a 50 - 80% success rate (depending on which doctor I talk to), and will stop me from going through menopause, or c) get my eggies taken out and frozen (or mixed with Christopher's sperm from across the Atlantic) for future reference and then have my ovaries moved up.

And the answer is?

I chose B. I really wanted to do C, but because it would take about 3 or 4 weeks, and well, cancer isn't always the most patient mofo, I decided to opt with B. Either way, I will never be able to carry a baby so would have to go the surrogate route. If the transposition works they can extract my eggs, mix in some Christopher sperm, and plant the embryo in someone else (I've already had one offer, and I'm looking for more. Any bidders? It would be like carrying Jesus).
Adoption is of course an option too. But I'm getting waaay ahead of myself...

Ok, so at the fertility clinic I had about 10 viles of blood taken and then had to take the subway all the way home. I'm such a wuss, I don't know how I'm going to do the surgery. It's scheduled for April 28 and I have to stay the night in hospital. I'm super scared because the only surgery I've had before has been for my wisdom teeth. But I am looking forward to the painkillers following the surgery...

I just joined the gym and started running again, but I can't do any exercise after the surgery...they don't want my ovaries to jiggle or move around, or something like that. I can't help but laugh when I picture my poor little eggs up near my boobs...I asked the doc if she could move them up into my boobs to give me a little extra 'oomph', but she didn't find that as funny as I did.

Airports, hospitals, and bunny ears

2006-04-19T18:44:00.000-04:00

What a week - where do I start? Lots of eating, lots of drinking, and lots of fun. Christopher and I hit a Marlies game, the one-and-only Toronto Zoo (the hippo is the best animal ever), and had a family-packed weekend. Christopher met all the aunts, uncles, and cousins, and charmed the pants of 'em, of course.

We were in Grand Bend for Easter Sunday, and instead of having a chocolate easter egg hunt, we had an easter booze-hound hunt. All the men hid mini bottles of booze (and some big bottles too) all over the property, and the women had to go find them. It was hilarious! We were all wearing funny bunny ears, carrying around baskets, and climbing up trees just to find a mini bottle of Bailey's. I'll post pictures on my Flickr page when I get them. I think in total, there were 51 bottles of booze. It was very impressive.

Today was results day at Sunnybrook. Bloodwork: clear. Chest Xray: clear. CT Scan: clear. Hell yeah! That means, my blood looks good, there's nothing wonky on my lungs, and my lymph nodes are all the size they are supposed to be. I'm pretty flippin' happy about it. But that's all I'm going to say about stupid-head cancer today.

Christopher then took off for London, and I miss him so, so much already. One of these days our lives will be normal, but it sure as hell seems like someone wants to throw every single obstacle in our way, just to make sure we are really meant for each other. This has got to be the final test!

fuck cancer

2006-04-13T22:54:00.000-04:00

Excuse my language, I don't usually like to swear. But seriously, fuck cancer.
I went for my first visit to Sunnybrook's Cancer Centre today, with my mom, dad, and Christopher by my side. I was shocked as to how pumping the place was...so many people, so many different ages, and many different kinds. Cancer really doesn't discriminate, and whileI wonder why this has to happen to me and my family, I also realize that it could happen to anyone. And if it can happen to anyone, than of course it can happen to me.
I was poked and prodded, blood was taken, and a chest xray was done. My primary doctor here is a very nice young woman with large hands, and my primary nurse seems like a wonderful lady. I also have a gynecologist and a social worker on my "health care team". I've never had so many people looking out for my health before, so in a twisted sad way, it's kind of nice.
I go for a CT Scan on Monday, and then I'll have a better idea of what's going to go down.

It is so very nice to have Christopher here, and while I know he has to go and keep up our homestead in London, I don't want him to leave. We had an awesome day yesterday, roaming around the streets of the t.dot. We ended up at probably my favourite place ever - Big Daddy's Crab Shack and Oyster Bar. I could spend an entire day and pay cheque in the place, and not feel any amount of guilt. That's how much I love it.

good google grief

2006-04-11T01:17:00.000-04:00

Instead of finishing up two last essays that I have hanging over my head, I'm reading LIS-related articles so it kind of feels like I'm doing school work. As I feared, my good intentions soon turned into an ego-maniacal rampage, when I found this article describing internet searcher behaviour. Apparently, 90% of search engine users will click on a result in the first three result pages.
This of course led me to some self-Googalization.

On Google.com, there are only two references to me, none of which are on the first page of results. This obviously means that I need to try harder in my attempts to infiltrate America.
On Google.ca, if I restrict my search to Canada only, there are a whopping 10 results. One of these results, is a big lie I wrote in order to win a contest. Yeah, okay, Christopher and I were in Croatia but the rest is a Guinness-induced elaboration. I never won the stupid contest anyway.
My name was nowhere to be found on Google UK's first 3 pages.

My favourite thing about Firefox is the little search bar in the top right hand corner, where you can search a whole slew of search engines with the drop-down box. I then proceeded to search for my name in Yahoo, A9, and even Lonely Planet and the Food Network, because you never know where your name will show up.

I'm wired on coffee and girl guide cookies, so am just waiting up to make a wake-up call to Christopher. It's almost 7 am in London, and I want to make sure that he doesn't miss his flight.

nothing new

2006-04-10T18:07:00.000-04:00

Christopher arrives tomorrow - yea! Can't wait to have a beer with my guy and pretend that everything is a-ok. Then Wednesday morning I get to go through a whole whack of tests, hungover no less. I wouldn't have it any other way.

and so it begins...

2006-04-08T22:09:00.000-04:00

I have set up this site so I can avoid writing a thousand emails to each and every one of you who are interested in the nitty gritties of my life. Over the past week, my life has changed. I was all ready to move to London, be a Librarian, and start my grown-up life with Christopher, when KEPOW! I am 26 years old and have a big honkin' cancer growing on my cervix. I am now a new Librarian, living with my parents, and ready to kick cancer's ass.

Bring it on, I say. I have the best family, the best friends, and the absolute best boyfriend I could have ever hoped for.